A Food Network Rant

Here's a post I left on food writer Michael Ruhlman's site www.ruhlman.com . He's been known to hang out with Anthony Bourdain. The topic: why the Food Network is disappointing.


"Let's face it, The Machine is broken.

What is the Food Network now if not one big promotional mechanism that oscillates from cleverly disguised travel show to cleverly disquised gadget and food infomercial and back?
We the public aren't privy to what goes on at FN's offices to know the fates of those who built the network with the Hannovers, Rosengartens, and Biggers. Let alone those who actually discovered and developed the bona fide stars like Lagasse, Batali, Moulton, and Garten et al. So we don't know when the ad men took over and started telling us and their stars what we should like.

Why dumb it down ALL the time? I don't always want a Velveeta nacho casserole. How dare the FN have a problem with French terms and the food. Any culinary student (attended, graduated, or otherwise) or anyone remotely involved with food, or anyone with a pulse at least knows of the significance of French cuisine in Western food. Nowadays the ad men call Spain "the new France" and cite Ferran Adria's culinary laboratory as the locus for innovation in that country, but the fact is that whatever's being "discovered" in regards to Spain's cuisine doesn't really involve any recent innovations in Spain, but rather that our lazy xenophobic American asses are finally looking past the fast food chihuaua and the chain of margarita nacho bars to actually bother to learn about and include these centuries-old culinary traditions among the American culinary mosaic.

Or perhaps the American culinary mosaic only has space for one tile right now, and French cuisine has to go to make room for Spain. Just what triggered the anti-French sentiment may never come out, but Alton Brown clearly subscribes to it by the way he sneeringly pronounces French terms and chefs' names on that pathetic trainwreck of a product-placement show of his that jumped the shark two seasons ago. (The only uni-tasker in his kitchen is his product pimp. I hear fire extinguishers make good paperweights.)And clearly he seems to be following orders on his own show, because he's all "Johnny Encyclopedia" again when he's on US Iron Chef. Say it isn't so, AB. Say it isn't so.

So here come the Spanish. Or should I say Latino? Either way, Jag-off and Ingrid were more than likely concurrent contingency plans for a show that Das FN was looking for. Hence the return of the "Sofrito!" battle cry from that Latina contestant from a previous season of TNFNS through Jag-off. All of a sudden "Fusione" started popping up in the discussions. And good for Latino cuisine. We should have more. Latinos are the majority minority here in the States, so why not have a showcase for it on FN? But are you really telling me that ALL Latino cuisine from all those countries hinges on ONE blend of spices? You sure it isn't Goya Adobo?
When I think of the names of all the Latin cooks out there who've appeared on various food programs, the natural choice is "Ingrid Hoffman". It simply oozes Latin like the ink on a German passport when it first relocates to a humid rainforest. Judas Priest, what's her lead-off dish, Arroz-con-Poland?!

I have to thank the previous poster who commented on how he did not like being snapped at. I thought I was weird for wanting to smack my TV after FN started airing the "Simply Delicioso" commercials that included that extra millisecond of footage. And I think they know at FN, too. Hence that quick mid-finger-snap cut to a side view by the shows' editors. I thank the FN for that, because if I'd sat through her show and experienced that, I probably would've broken my TV and needed to get a new one. Or maybe that was the plan to begin with."

JAG "resigns" from The Next Food Network Star

So the liar and faker finally "left". Yay and good riddance.

I added this comment to the Food Network Addict blog. See its link at the right.

"Glad to see Josh gone, but my inner cynic can't help but think that the whole scandal was a bona fide ratings pot of gold for an otherwise fading rainbow that the show was turning out to be. The bitter after taste being, of course, that the next FN star and their show is going to pretty sucky unless FN hires a crack team to pull an Eliza Dolittle and save the network's credibility.

As said by other posters, if this scandal's done anything it should have opened FN to the fact that they need to fire whoever's on the search committee and in charge of casting and hire people who can spot actual cooks and or food experts and do the necessary background checks BEFORE seeing if they're TV show material.

Seriously, this show was cast for a TV reality show. Not a cooking and food show. "

I could care less who wins.

On Friends and Acquaintances

"Nobody knows you when you're down and out," the song goes. And by suspending as much melodrama as I can I'll attest to that. I've been there and am doing that.

But when I'm having a bad day, like I did today, people who I haven't spoken to in a while have a way of just calling me.

I had a really big argument over the phone, and I lost badly. And as I sat fuming in my chair trying to find ways to simply distract myself I get a call out of the blue from two guys I used to work with who I hadn't seen in 8-9 months. It did the trick. And after that call I called the person I was arguing with back and apologized. They apologized, too.

Then I got a call from a friend asking if I wanted to hang out and just watch TV. Yeah, that would do nicely.

I sleep tonight immensely grateful that I have friends like these.

"Jazz in Paris" Collection CD 7, 9, and 10

So I've been listening to a lot of stuff lately, but today I paid a visit to the Jazz In Paris collection of my Wish List again. I listened to the following albums on Rhapsody while typing up a few posts and playing around on Flickr.



Talk about a funky album. I'll definitely check out more of Coleman's stuff because it was heavy.

I listened to Dizzy Gillespie's album (#9 in the series, above) next as the eighth disc in the series wasn't available on Rhapsody. It just flowed from the previous album almost seamlessly in style and tempo and then picked up melodically as it progressed.

The last disc I listened to was a lot slower in pace and style. A good work, it actually suited the gloomy weather and rain that suddenly came out of nowhere this afternoon and ended the day for me on a poignant note.

Disc 9 in the series is Chet Baker's "Broken Wing". I'll get to it eventually.

Faber-Castell COLORMATICS mechanical pencils

Yes, I'm broke and hungry, but what is man if not a hypocrite?

So a while back I saw this listing for 1,000 Faber-Castell COLORMATICS 0.7 mm mechanical pencils for a song and I said, "F#*k it, I need it," and did the whole Buy-It-Now thing. I only wish I had more cash available, because the price was truly a song.

I bought my first COLORMATICS mechanical pencil while in school. They came in a pck of 10 and were brightly multi-colored. Maybe the 10-pack cost $8 or $9, either way it was cheap, and I thought the pencils would be also.

Not so. The body is quite rigid and with a decent grip. The pencil mechanism proved to be reliable and the lead sleeve allowed for both good drafting and writing. Of the 10 pencils I got, I reserved my favorite blues, blacks and greens for later use and selected the most undesirable fuscia-colored pecil to use first and break-in. I used for class notes, homework, and during a series of trips home for Thanksgiving and Christmas I used it to write poetry and journal entries in a notebook. Of the 10, I wound up using only 2 and giving one away to a friend in need. The rest are slumbering within the depths of my storage unit.

Since that fuscia COLORMATICS I've actually developed an affinity for brightly colored writing implements as well as the traditional darker-colored varieties. It's completely different aesthetic for me compared to other facets of my life and appearance, but one that's become a trademark in itself.

And here I go and get 1,000 more. And they're just as good as ever. I put 5-6 in the car the other day. Why? 'Cause I could. I've seen a lot of people put up listings on eBay for these pencils in way smaller quantities for much much higher prices. They give me a chuckl, because I know their secret.

The Moleskine Notebook

The Moleskine Notebook

Ah, the Moleskine Notebook. They come in all different shapes, sizes, colors, and formats. I use them in every day of my life whether it be the small plain notebook I carry in my pocket for day-to-day notes, lists, and idea-jotting to the larger sized notebooks or cahiers that I use for journaling or schoolwork or work-work.

And I especially love a deal on them on eBay, which explains the stockpiled pictured above in one of my many Cluttered Bookshelves. After pens and toys it's Moleskine's that I hoard. What's redeeming for me is that I use them and complete them pretty frequently: almost one evry other month, and I usually keep 3-4 in use at once. I also use one as a log of my job search info and contacts. I also use one for my eBay sales. I switched over to the large cahiers for these uses recently as I found that I could fill them up just in time for the stuff that was accumulating in their back pockets to make the books unwieldy to write in. Basically loose notes, receipts, packing slips, and other loose junk. They're also where the contents of many blog entries begin.

What's sad is that I've got a backlog of blog entries piling up in my M's and I've been too distracted to simply type them up. Oh well, until the job or book deal or both happen...

Moleskinerie.com is a nice little website devoted to these venerated notebooks, and I recently started contributed images to their photo pool on Flickr. Check out the link to their site or to my set of images on Flickr on the right. Also check out eBay for great deals on the Moleskine's. Personally, I hate paying retail, but if no deals can be found then these books ARE definitely worth it.

Mexican Mac'N'Chee

Mexican Mac'n'Chee

So, I have a great idea for a book that I came up with while working on my book proposal and hustling resumes out to recruiters and firms:

The Prolonged Unemployment Weight Loss Plan: 60 Days to A Poorer, Leaner You

Just let accreditation restrictions from your school's degree program force you to quit your out-of-state and lucrative job and return to the town your school is to finish up a graduate degree as a full-time student in 6 months, remain unemplyed for another 6 months after that, and watch the pounds fall off!

Bitter? Kind of. But today I present a tasty recipe I developed from my love of pasta, Mexican-style queso dip, and good ol' mac'n'chee. Not "Mac'n'cheese". Mac'n'chee. It's a Tenacious D thing. (Get the first album and watch the DVD live concert. You'll love it.)

It's cheap, good, and adjustable to your tastes. What you need:

1 lb. of rotini pasta (cooked, and you may want to leave out the salt if you cook pasta with it)
1 can of cooked chopped mushrooms (7 oz. w/ liquid or 4 oz. dry, go fancy or cheap, it's all good)
1 can Ro-Tel brand diced tomatoes and green chiles ( Original or Mexican variety)
1 lb. of Velveeta (nothing else will do)
Total cost: US$7 max. Makes 8 "servings" (translation: feeds 4 real people or 2 of ME).

So you cook the pasta. Done.

Cut up the block of Velveeta into 1/4" slices and microwave with the Ro-Tel. Stop and stir every 2 minutes to combine ingredients. Total microwaving time should be no more than 6-8 minutes.

Strain the canned chopped mushrooms.

Combine HALF of the pasta with the cheese blend and mushrooms and then add the rest of the pasta until you get the desired mix of cheese and pasta you like. Some like their mac'n'chee runny while others like it thick. Whatever mix you prefer, let the combined and mixed dish sit for 15 minutes. Then stir it up again until you hear that telltale "sticky" mac'n'chee mixing sound. That's how you know it's ready.

From this point you could put everything in a bake dish and add anything from cubed pre-cooked chicken breast, sliced jalpenos or red pepper flakes to it and or add a crust of pulverized Doritos and then bake it up. Me, I just eat it as is. With a Diet Coke.

Gotta go, the chee is ready.