A Food Network Rant

Here's a post I left on food writer Michael Ruhlman's site www.ruhlman.com . He's been known to hang out with Anthony Bourdain. The topic: why the Food Network is disappointing.


"Let's face it, The Machine is broken.

What is the Food Network now if not one big promotional mechanism that oscillates from cleverly disguised travel show to cleverly disquised gadget and food infomercial and back?
We the public aren't privy to what goes on at FN's offices to know the fates of those who built the network with the Hannovers, Rosengartens, and Biggers. Let alone those who actually discovered and developed the bona fide stars like Lagasse, Batali, Moulton, and Garten et al. So we don't know when the ad men took over and started telling us and their stars what we should like.

Why dumb it down ALL the time? I don't always want a Velveeta nacho casserole. How dare the FN have a problem with French terms and the food. Any culinary student (attended, graduated, or otherwise) or anyone remotely involved with food, or anyone with a pulse at least knows of the significance of French cuisine in Western food. Nowadays the ad men call Spain "the new France" and cite Ferran Adria's culinary laboratory as the locus for innovation in that country, but the fact is that whatever's being "discovered" in regards to Spain's cuisine doesn't really involve any recent innovations in Spain, but rather that our lazy xenophobic American asses are finally looking past the fast food chihuaua and the chain of margarita nacho bars to actually bother to learn about and include these centuries-old culinary traditions among the American culinary mosaic.

Or perhaps the American culinary mosaic only has space for one tile right now, and French cuisine has to go to make room for Spain. Just what triggered the anti-French sentiment may never come out, but Alton Brown clearly subscribes to it by the way he sneeringly pronounces French terms and chefs' names on that pathetic trainwreck of a product-placement show of his that jumped the shark two seasons ago. (The only uni-tasker in his kitchen is his product pimp. I hear fire extinguishers make good paperweights.)And clearly he seems to be following orders on his own show, because he's all "Johnny Encyclopedia" again when he's on US Iron Chef. Say it isn't so, AB. Say it isn't so.

So here come the Spanish. Or should I say Latino? Either way, Jag-off and Ingrid were more than likely concurrent contingency plans for a show that Das FN was looking for. Hence the return of the "Sofrito!" battle cry from that Latina contestant from a previous season of TNFNS through Jag-off. All of a sudden "Fusione" started popping up in the discussions. And good for Latino cuisine. We should have more. Latinos are the majority minority here in the States, so why not have a showcase for it on FN? But are you really telling me that ALL Latino cuisine from all those countries hinges on ONE blend of spices? You sure it isn't Goya Adobo?
When I think of the names of all the Latin cooks out there who've appeared on various food programs, the natural choice is "Ingrid Hoffman". It simply oozes Latin like the ink on a German passport when it first relocates to a humid rainforest. Judas Priest, what's her lead-off dish, Arroz-con-Poland?!

I have to thank the previous poster who commented on how he did not like being snapped at. I thought I was weird for wanting to smack my TV after FN started airing the "Simply Delicioso" commercials that included that extra millisecond of footage. And I think they know at FN, too. Hence that quick mid-finger-snap cut to a side view by the shows' editors. I thank the FN for that, because if I'd sat through her show and experienced that, I probably would've broken my TV and needed to get a new one. Or maybe that was the plan to begin with."